It will only stoke the fire of your own attachment and heartbreak. Oh, and pro tip: Stalking the Instagram of “the one who got away” won’t make anything change. “Dwelling upon 'the one that got away' is unhealthy if it stops us from enjoying our present day partnership, or stops us from seeking partnerships,” adds Winter. You won’t succumb to the same tragic fate, but it’s still important not to get caught up clinging onto someone who distracts you from living in the now. You certainly don’t want to end up like Taylor Swift’s Evermore narrator in the bonus track “Right Where You Left Me,” frozen forever in the restaurant where, with dust now collecting on her pinned up hair, her lover left her, as time continues to go on around her - heavy stuff. “If you find yourself at a point later on in life keep on letting great potential partners slip through your hands, your judgment has been impacted in a way that you can’t recognize a good thing when you have it,” Brown says. Brown says that holding a torch for an ex isn’t automatically unhealthy, it does have the potential to become a problem if it starts affecting your present and future relationships. This scenario allows us to imagine a happy resolution, and subsequently, happy relationship.”īasically, you’re letting self-written fan fiction live in your head rent free - and you should at least consider channeling those fantasy narrative skills into real creative outlets, instead of letting it linger in your thoughts and potentially erode your love life. Or, we were romantically involved with an individual but a misunderstanding occurred that was never corrected. Our mind happily fills in the details of a wonderful romantic future with this person. But now that relationship is long gone.įrom bestselling author and relationship expert Susan Winter’s point of view, the concept of “the one that got away” is also rooted in “hopeful fantasy." She tells Elite Daily, “Perhaps we knew someone socially, but for extenuating reasons, neither party was able to pursue a real relationship. “It means that there was someone who, in hindsight, we regret not being with because when we look we feel that they may have truly been ‘the one’ for us that we might want to have known better,” he says - or worse, “ even realize that they were potentially the one you might very well want to spend the rest of your life with,” he says. Gary Brown, a Los Angeles-based relationship expert, tells Elite Daily the definition of “the one that got away” is exactly as it sounds. Is it ever really possible to let go of someone you regret ending things with? To help answer that question, experts spoke to Elite Daily to share their take on what the phrase actually means, if it's healthy to hold on to an ex, and how to let go when you're ready (because you can move on and start fresh). Movies, love songs, and books can leave you wondering if the concept of "the one that got away" is actually a real thing or simply a romantic notion we’ve been told to hold on to. Does the phrase "the one that got away" fill you with a bittersweet longing? Did someone’s face just pop into your head? Was it your own because you have exes who refer to you as that? We all think we know what people mean when they say this, but have you ever really stopped to wonder: What is the meaning of “the one that got away,” really? Is it a real thing, or just something we heard about in a Katy Perry song years ago? Is it normal or healthy to continue carrying a torch for an ex that way?
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